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keep the previous post because I am writing here?

honestly do not know. I never thought about using this lj as a real diary / blog / what the hell you want, but ultimately it is an idea that haunts me even though I already have a blog about a private space. Mah'm not in a state of mind able to think properly now.

My grandmother, the last rimastami, died at 13:00 yesterday after five years of suffering. It 'been a bit of a sollievvo and a bit of a surprise, since she left quickly after so much pain. We waited for this news for years now, but I do not think We never actually used to the idea. I hardly remember it before he became ill, but it was a good woman, nice and full of faith. A lot, a lot of faith and trust in God, the typical case that makes you ask "But is there really a God? And if so, it made her suffer like that?" When

yesterday, an hour after death, we arrived the hospital was still lying in bed. My mother just saw it was an understandable outburst of tears. I am nothing. As usual. Although I have not heard even suffer a tear. Do not think I'm cold, cruel or indifferent to these things as often people judge me. I have a very different way from normal to deal with the pain. Do not even try to retain - Out of pride or whatever you believe - the tears just came and no, I'm sure they are not. It 's just a replica of my grandmother's funeral the other, which occurred years ago when I was little. Even then I cried I was not crying.

There was a vigil yesterday, long and painful as the parade of relatives and friends (who, as usual, everyone seemed to know me, and I knew no one and my uncle and my cousins) from two till half past eight in the evening . This morning the same - even if I paused for a moment the hypocrisy of going to meet relatives at the home of my cousin to wake it up * _ * sadistic & cruel - from nine until now. Now just end up eating my go back to the morgue for another hour of wakefulness, and finally closing the coffin. The funeral will be held from 15:00 to 16:00, and then another hour or two in the company of relatives after we closed the tomb (near that of her husband). The